Tales From The Dark Side

Blogs don't usually tell the whole truth so I thought that I might 'keep it real' and put some reality on here. Why? I guess I don't completely recognize myself when I log onto this blog. Sure, I see all sorts of nice things going on, but, come on, life is not THAT rosey.
So, here's some dirt. Hope it's refreshing.

The biggest thing I struggle with? Weight. Wait a second, that's not realistic. Overeating. That's better. I thought i was getting a real good handle on it. About a year ago now I lost 50lbs. That was awesome. Then...whammo. Head trip. (aka, brain hemmorrage). That was followed by a few different meds, incuding, my nemesis...steroids. Uuuggh. Hate them. Mine as well have handed me back 25lbs, with instructions to 'call me in the morning'.
And while we are on that subject, everyone of those blasted drugs they gave me caused hairloss. Not that they warned me of that. I got to figure that out on my own. I have lost at least 35% of my hair. Not only that, but it's all wirey and stuff now. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for my heartbeat, but I miss my hair. And, it doesn't seem to be regrowing. (What's left is still growing, but not what fell out). Ben is sweet about it. He calls me his Fozzy Bear. I do love that guy. Thank goodness for that wonderful ceramic hair iron thingy! Dont' know what I'd do without that! ---ok, that's too much optimism in what is supposed to be a more darkside blog ---

Hmmm, what else.

I don't have much fashion sense. Not long ago, my sister Noelle and I were looking at some high school pics of us and I was wearing cotton shorts and some athletic t-shirt of some sort. I looked at it and laughed and said, "How funny, I am still wearing the same kind of clothes" (I had on red, cotton shorts and a Shock t-shirt). Noelle did a few fake chuckles and then matter-of-factly said, "not funny".
I can't say that it really bothers me that I can't put a decent outfit together. I just don't care about it. If it matches, is clean, and void of any stains, and preferably denim, then it should be good. And, if I'm having a bad hair day, which is pretty much every day now,or an 'I don't care day', then a doo-rag is my hair-style of choice. I have many different colored ones, to match whatever t-shirt I might be wearing. Luckily, I have no need to dress up much. Sure there is the occasional wedding or something, but usually I were the same old stand by thing.
Those who know me might be surprised to know that if I could figure it out, my dress of choice would be a jean skirt or khaki skirt and sweatshirt of some sort. Or maybe a polo or something. Not that that's a far cry from what i do already though.

I have lost 3 grandparents and a beloved auntie. That might not compare in numbers to many other people, but I deeply miss them all the same.

I feel as though I spent the first 32 years of my life accepting what the majority said concerning 'truth'. Now I've spent the last 4 years of my life going over some of those details and realizing there may be a whole other side to the story.

I make faces at my kids. Not just the, 'hey you better quit that' type of faces, but the ones that let them know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I have to apologize for it a lot. I hate that I do that. Not exactly the humble mother approach that I would love to have.

I procrastinate.

I stay up way too late most nights when I should be going to bed with my husband.

I have friends that I haven't seen or even talked to in a really long time. I miss them.

There's more, but that's about all the dark side I can handle right now. Time to turn the lights back on & go to bed.